My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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