He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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