Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
