Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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