Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
