i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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