I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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