I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
