Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
