You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
