someone threw a dead crab at me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
