Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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