Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
