I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
