can we get nightvision for the apartment?
false alarm. still invincible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
