Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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