I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
