His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
