Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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