the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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