I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
