i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
