I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
