Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
