I'm jealous of your bromance
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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