I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
