there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
