I'm so fucking centered right now
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
