Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
