i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
