i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it because I queefed?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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