Well douche your snatch and let's go!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
