And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
