i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
