First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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