don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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