honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
