exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
