i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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