Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
