well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to make out with him forever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
