it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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