we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
