Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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