It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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