Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize