I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
