With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
