I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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