I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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