I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
