did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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