Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
