Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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