sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
