Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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