she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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