Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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