Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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