I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
