Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
