All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
