I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
