It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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